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Economic Indicators........
1. The economy is so bad... that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
2. The economy is so bad... I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
3. The economy is so bad... that CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
4. The economy is so bad... if the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
5. The economy is so bad... Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
6. The economy is so bad... McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
7. The economy is so bad... parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names..
8. The economy is so bad... a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico..
9. The economy is so bad... Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
10. The economy is so bad... Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
11. The economy is so bad... the Mafia is laying off judges.
12. The economy is so bad... Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
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Old Farmer's Advice:
Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor..
Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Don't judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honorable life.. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around..
Live simply . . . Love generously . . . Care deeply . . . Speak kindly . . . and don't never pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.